EJF Newsletter — The Male Side Of Domestic Violence

The visual impact of domestic violence against men

April 20, 2011 — Before being swamped by the publicly-funded tide of neo-Marxist feminist propaganda there were two outstanding movies that portrayed a side of intimate partner violence that far too many men are familiar with.

The first was the 1971 Clint Eastwood movie Play Misty For Me depicting the type of insanely jealous lunachic stalker that makes this thriller so realistic for many men. If you haven't seen this early work by Eastwood, and have had to deal with a stalker, you will find this movie chillingly realistic.

The second was a March 14, 1993 CBS made-for-TV movie Men Don't Tell that has been widely known about but deeply buried until now. The entire movie is available at this link and I recommend you watch it, whichever side of abuse you have had to deal with. It remains as true today as then that men don't tell when they are abused. But trying to cover up the abuse can be fatal to a man's dreams and ambitions, and sometimes his life. However, men can generally expect no help from police, courts, victim's advocates, or battered women's shelters, as this movie notes.

Issues The Equal Justice Foundation Deals With

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What happens when men are abused

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Since the Domestic Violence Against Men web site went public in November of 1999 we have received thousands of emails, letters, and phone calls from or about abused men. Our sample is not valid statistically in any fashion and the individuals are often not even self-selected as men don't tell, as noted above. Commonly we hear about the abuse from the man's parents (usually his mother), his sister, brother, cousin, or other relative, his new girlfriend, or even a neighbor.

While not a statistically valid sample, the problems these men have tend to cluster into specific types that are of qualitative interest. However, the real damage these men suffer often isn't at the hands of their intimate partner, though many are maimed and murdered before they can escape. But, almost inevitably, the primary abuse these men have suffered is at the hands of a legal system gone mad.

Abused men who contact the Equal Justice Foundation, or whose problems are described to us by those close to them, have typically:

• Lost their jobs, homes, and professional licenses. This category includes cases where the men lost their security clearances or could no longer carry a gun (police and military particularly). We also have numerous cases of medical doctors, dentists, stockbrokers, hazardous material truck drivers, powder monkeys, etc., losing their licenses as well. The case of Dr. Tim Emerson is but one egregious example.

• Are now destitute and often living on the streets, in their car, with relatives, or in friend's homes.

• Called the police because she attacked him, usually with a weapon, and the police came and arrested him, or made no arrest at all. For revenge, she then commonly called the police and claimed he attacked her, and the police then arrested him. To add credence to her claim she will commonly scratch or bruise herself, or break things in the home before the police arrive.

• Called the police because she was abusing the children and, when he tried to protect the little ones, she attacked him. When the police were called they arrested him and the courts subsequently gave her full custody of the children she is abusing.

• Found evidence his wife was having an affair. She then charged him with domestic violence or got a restraining order to cover her adultery. By doing so she got possession of the kids, the house, the car, the checking account, and everything else he owned. For married men this is the largest single grouping with about half the married men we hear about falling in this category. More than half the men we've heard from, or about, are married or he was living with her (common law).

• Found he is being stalked by a former wife or girlfriend who is using the legal system to harass him with DV charges and restraining orders in addition to the phone calls, vandalism, visitation games, etc., she is playing. Often when she finds him she uses her cell phone to call police and claim he has violated the restraining order and has him arrested. A variation on this are vindictive girlfriends who get a restraining order that keeps a man from his own home or apartment, which she then often trashes or steals everything from.

• Have lost all contact with any children they had for months and years. Commonly they were arrested or harassed if they've tried to contact their children.

• Found she has an uncontrollable substance abuse problem, a mental disorder, or both, and is using the legal system, victim's advocates, and women's shelters to harass and charge him with everything short of the rape of the Sabine women (though I think some men even get charged with that). It appears that the crazier a woman is the better "victim" she makes for the DV industry.

• Found that their military or police service is used against them in court. The redfem mantra is that such men are "trained killers." Such ad hominem attacks seem to be most common against men who have served in the elite branches of the military, e.g., Marines, Seals, Special Forces (Green Berets), and Rangers.

• Have been batted like a shuttlecock between judges. It is not uncommon to hear from men who have been before twelve to fifteen different judges, none of whom have taken the trouble to read the case documents or attempt to understand the issues in the case.

• Have spent from three months to ten years or more in jail though they had no police record prior to meeting this woman and very often there is no evidence of violence whatsoever. Includes cases where men lost their jobs because of the false allegations she made against them, were laid off during the recession, or the court "imputed" income they did not have and could not pay child support, and they were jailed for contempt of court (debtor's prison).

• Are victims of paternity fraud. Women commonly use restraining orders or allegations of domestic violence or child abuse to keep a "father" away from children they know or suspect their husband or lover is not the biological father of. That is done so that he can't get DNA paternity tests done but she can collect child support from him. When men don't pay the child support for these children they are thrown in jail even when they have managed to prove they are not the biological father.

• Are suffering from one or more symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), virtually without exception. Sleeplessness, paranoia, nervousness, nightmares, impotence, flashbacks, dissociative episodes, depression, physical or mental breakdowns, etc., are so common we hardly even ask about them, and simply take them as a given. Associated problems with attempts at self medication with alcohol and sleep medication, e.g., Ambien, are also a routine part of the problems encountered.

• Suffered severe health problems. Heart attacks, seizures, asthma, vision problems, are common. Any preexisting health problems are exacerbated. Many men become totally disabled as a result of the stress of false allegations and losing their children, homes, jobs, and everything they worked for.

There are, of course, many individual stories that don't include these components and seldom are two stories from different men the same. Age is often a factor and I always ask if the woman is over 35 as perimenopause can put many women over the edge.

Young girls are the most violent of all with upwards of 30% or more teenage and college-age women reporting they initiated violence in their relationships in several studies. It is also quite well documented that in young couples women are two- to three-times more violent than their male partners.

For those men who can afford to defend themselves in these cases, legal fees commonly exceed $100,000 and minimum attorney fees are likely to be at least $5,000. So these injustices are very popular with attorneys, who often take a man's retainer for $5,000 to $50,000 and then sell them down the river with a plea bargain.

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Issues The Equal Justice Foundation Deals With

| Prohibition & War On Drugs | Vote Fraud & Election Issues |